The Lazy Way to 100,000 Twitter Followers Part 8


    Please forgive my extended absence... my writing often carries me away and I lose all sense of time. Anyway, I am back to offer more tidbits of Twitter advice. Also, please be aware that Twitter is planning some changes that will affect all its users come 2015. Rest assured I will be updating my book to reflect those changes just as soon as they occur. Onward and upward...


    So to get back to basics once again... what are those with huge follow numbers doing differently than those with few? I had no idea so I began by looking around and attempting to notice what set those folk with hordes of followers apart from me and others of my ilk... stragglers who were barely hanging onto their Twitter feeds and seriously considering ending the struggle. It just didn’t seem worthwhile any longer.

    Well, first off when I noticed a few of my Twitter followers had in excess of 100,000 followers I wanted to know how they did it. There had to be a trick that they were keeping from me. Were they simply long-time Twitter members? Did they pay for their followers? Were they in fact minor celebrities who I had never heard of but were nonetheless well known outside my meager circle of friends?

    I began writing to those people who had managed to acquire hundreds of thousands of followers, hoping some kind person might take it to heart to share their secrets with me, lend me some of their insight. No one did. Some of them were nice enough to write me back, but when it came to actually telling me step by step how they had done what seemed to me to be the impossible, they were as tight-fisted as old Ebenezer Scrooge.

    Oh, they were friendly enough, sure. They'd even take the time to have discussions with me. But when I asked questions—how do you attract so many followers? How long did it take you to get so many? Is that all you do... look for Twitter followers?—they all ignored me and suggested that I find out for myself like they did.

    From what I could fathom these were ordinary people... waitresses and artists and losers like me, but somehow they had seemingly stumbled upon a mysterious method of growing their followers in numbers I could only dream of doing. What was their secret? And why did they see fit not to share it? Would my having as many followers as they did somehow diminish them in stature?

    Probably... it's all a Twitter game, you know. I am oh so important. I have as many followers as I do because I am handsome and rich and you are just a no count loser who has never been and never will be a popular person, not like me. They all knew it in high school and they all know it now. There is a big L planted right smack dab in the center of your forehead and everyone sees it.


    The days were dark and the nights darker. I gradually lost faith in the goodness of humanity and in the viability of Twitter itself. It seemed futile to go on and more than once I contemplated just giving up, deleting my account, committing Twitter suicide, and going back to being just Dan. But, in the end, I realized I was in way too far to turn around and go back now. I had invested too much time to throw it all overboard.

    I had to make a decision.

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