The Lazy Way to 100,000 Twitter Followers Part 6

  • twitter bird


    Where was I? Oh yes... I apologise for anyone left waiting for a new entry on my blog. Time is viscious when you take it for granted. Anyway, onward and upward!


    I had finally passed my second Twitter roadblock and soon the 2000 limit was so far behind me that I could no longer even see it in my rearview mirror. After six months of tweeting and retweeting, following and unfollowing, and alternately cursing and clapping, I was up to the heady total of 3000 followers. I was getting maybe 10 to 15 new followers daily but I was also losing a good 5 to 10 them too... some people seemed intent upon unfollowing me for some mysterious reason, the bastards.


    Something else was bothering me as well. It was difficult at first to put my finger upon what it was, but I soon managed to do the math and I realized that my followers were growing so slowly that I wouldn't surpass 10,000 until sometime in the year 2036. I saw others with ten times, nay, twenty times that many followers and I became envious, covetous, and downright irritable about it. I told myself that those were doubtlessly nefarious people of ill repute who had resorted to buying followers, something I refused to do no matter how desperate I became (and besides, what if I got caught?).


    I must admit that the lure was enticing, just as I was tempted a time or two to take up those Twitter prostitutes on their offers. Unfortunately, I was broke. When I checked my bank balance it came back at $.33. I was resolute, though, and despite the attraction of easy fulfillment for my each and every desire, I fell into an intense brooding whereby my attention became more focused and my willpower turned into steel or at the very least unbreakable plastic.


    Now, why did I want 10,000 followers, you ask. Well, I'll tell you: I didn’t. I wanted 100,000 followers. It seemed to me that the more followers I had, the more people would see my books that I tweeted out religiously and that was why I joined Twitter in the first place... to market my books. If I can help others market their art along the way, fantastic! Although 1,000,000 followers sounded grand, I would settle for one tenth of that amount, at least to begin with. Baby steps, don't you know.


    Lest anyone gets the wrong impression about me, I don’t write books to sell them. I write books because I enjoy writing. Full speed ahead and damn the torpedoes and all that jazz... you've heard it all before, right? I'm one of those writers who has to work a real job to keep the lights on.


    Now, before you get out your hankies and start weeping puddles for my plight, I think that is a good thing. I know what it is that I'm meant to do. In other words, if money were no object, what would you do with your life?


    Think about it. Don't tell me you would travel or be a housewife or work in your garden or retire to a secluded beach and stay drunk all day or all those other mundane things most people who haven’t any idea what they would do say they would do. What is it that you are meant to be doing? Are you doing it now? And if not, are you working towards doing it?


    I don’t sell enough books to write full time so I have to work a part time job in order to keep the internet on and the tax man at bay. That job accomplishes a few things that would otherwise go wanting. First of all, it gets me off my ass and out into the world. Too, since the work that I do is mindless, it gives me a chance to meditate on the uselessness of it all. During those brief and intuitive interludes great insights sometimes arise unlooked for... like the idea for this book.


    Originally it was destined to be a short essay, not much more than a blog entry that someone asked me to write. However, as I was at the auto dealership where I work scraping the paint off of a car hoist that badly needed refinishing it occurred to me that lots of folk might be interested in knowing a little more about Twitter. I'm no genius, but I have learned a thing or two over the last couple years and it seemed only right to share that knowledge with others who might benefit from it.


    I'm blessed in that I'm able to work only 6 hours a day at a regular job and spend an equal amount of time on my writing. I'd feel even more blessed if I could write full time. The only way I can manage to do that is to sell more books. That's where Twitter comes in. By getting my books in front of as many people as possible, it seems there is a chance (a slim chance, yes) that one day I will be able to cut back on my regular work and devote more time to writing. That's the dream, anyway.


    Okay... I've gotten sidetracked again. Please excuse the pause... sometimes my fingers tend to run out ahead of me and though by rights I should go and just delete all the nonsense, there is actually some tidbits of wisdom lurking within my meanderings, at least for those discerning souls who are astute enough to read between the lines and gullible enough to believe what I say.


    Anyway, I wanted to begin growing my followers exponentially, not logarithmically as I'd been doing. I needed to step it up a few notches and start attracting likeminded people who also wanted to focus on making a reality out of their dreams. Not the idiots who say they do—those are so plentiful you could fill the Great Lakes with their carcasses—no, I mean the ones who are really doing it.


    It's pretty easy to spot the posers. They're the ones with the websites under construction and when you ask them why they get all snotty with you. They're the ones who are constantly changing their profile pics and about the time you get to know who they are, blam! They do it again. They're the ones who use automated tweeting services even though they only have a couple hundred followers. Yeah, they're that busy.


    Anyway, while I'm on the subject, branding is huge on Twitter. The picture on your profile is seen by everyone. They get to know you by that photo. I know I do. Whenever I see one of my followers change their picture, I'm no longer sure if I even know them any more. That, my friend, is a huge mistake. I'm not as apt to tweet someone's tweets if I don’t know them. Will I tweet them if I don’t know them? Maybe, but probably not, and we all need to work on moving the odds to our favor and not against it.


    Why is that, Dan? Well, in my considered opinion, those who know me and I know them are much more likely to retweet my tweets just like I retweet theirs. Once in a while, sure, I'll go ahead and tweet an unknown. Most times, that's the only time it happens. So, if you are one of my known Twitter followers who I retweet all the time, and all of a sudden your picture changes, those retweets might well change too. Call me fickle. I am.


    Anyway, that is what is colloquially known as branding. Do you see Coca Cola changing up the pictures of their products all the time? No. How about those golden arches? How long have they been around? All the big companies understand the importance of branding. We as independent Twitter people need to be aware of that too. Take my advice: pick a great pic and stay with it. Even a horse's ass pic will work if you use it... say it with me... consistently!



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